


The Spaces In Between

by Cjreader



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Love, Missing Scene, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28801578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cjreader/pseuds/Cjreader
Summary: Have you ever wondered what happened in the carriage ride to save Georgiana? What happens after the dance when Sidney sees Eliza? How does Charlotte get home? What is she thinking? What is Sidney thinking? What happens when he stays in London for a week? These questions were haunting me, so I finally had to write my first fan fiction about the gaps in their story.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 72
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy reading. The language may not always be historically accurate but, nonetheless, I absolutely loved writing about these beloved characters.
> 
> I’m @crissyjo28 on Twitter

Charlotte stared at herself in the mirror. The gold gown shimmered and swayed as she slowly shook her hips. She moved closer to the mirror to peer at her eyes. She had hidden the dark circles with powder. What a strange, and remarkable forty-eight hours it had been. She sighed, still processing that Georgiana was safe. She really was safe and was sleeping next door. Charlotte shuddered, thinking how close they had been to losing Georgiana at the hands of that horrible, grotesque man. Now here Charlotte was, dressed for a fancy ball at Grosvenor Square. She was still wondering if attending was the right thing to do, after all that Georgiana had been through. Abducted and almost sold off as a bride—just terrifying.  
\------  
After staying up all night looking for Georgiana all over London with Sidney, she was emotionally worn from their heated exchanges and worry for her. She had run out of things to say and was pondering all that he had said to her that evening. Now, another fast carriage ride to catch Georgiana’s captors en route to Scotland. She shivered from the night air creeping in the carriage. Sidney had stretched his legs out across the length of his seat. When he saw her shivering, he gave her his overcoat and found a blanket in the satchel of essentials under the seat.  
"Here, lay down," he said, draping the overcoat over her and arranging the blanket for a pillow.  
"What about you?" she asked him, trying to hand the blanket back.  
"I'll be fine. You need to rest." He tucked the coat in tight around her. Her breath hitched and it took her some time to be able to drift off, so aware of his presence.  
She awoke when the faintest light came in the carriage. She noticed that he was sitting on the edge of his seat, leaning forward, very close to her. She sat up. "Is everything ok?" she asked.  
“You rolled off the seat a couple of times, or tried too. I was just keeping you from falling.”  
He sat like that the whole time? Keeping her on the seat? She was so touched by his gesture. She tried to smooth her hair down and fix her skirts. She felt vulnerable all of the sudden. His look now was more tender. It reminded her of how he looked at her by the river when they were playing with the children.  
Her heart felt sick, as she awoke to the reality of what was happening to Georgiana. She again prayed that they would reach her in time. "How close are we?” she asked.  
“We should be coming up on them soon. We will definitely reach them before the border.”  
Charlotte nodded and sighed, feeling relieved. The countryside was flying by and she thought it looked very pretty this far north. She leaned over and winced from much discomfort due to her full bladder.  
“Miss Heywood, do we need to stop?”  
Charlotte shook her head. “I don’t want to make us stop. I will be ok.”  
He rapped on the carriage ceiling to get the driver to stop.  
Sidney hopped out of the carriage first, bending his long frame to fit through the door. He reached back for Charlotte’s hand to help her down.  
“It will be ok,” he said.  
“I’ll be quick,” She found a big tree a safe distance away from the carriage and Sidney walked around to the other side. She quickly relieved herself making sure to keep her skirts out of the way. In any other setting, this would be so improper to be alone, all night, in the carriage with Sidney Parker; but somehow the dire situation deemed it unnecessary to worry about such things.  
She walked quickly back to the carriage, relishing stretching her legs. She crawled back in, and Sidney joined her a few seconds later and they were off. He offered her some water, and she graciously took a drink. He smiled at her as she handed it back. In the dawn of a new day, he seemed quieted and less angry than the evening before.  
“I got a little bit of bread and cheese from the driver. Would you care for any?” Sidney asked her.  
She nodded her head and took his wrapped parcel. She tried to balance it on her legs as the carriage bumped and swayed. At one point the bread flew into the air and he reached out and caught it and brushed her knee as he placed back on her lap. She startled a little. She liked being alone with him, being near to him. Mr. Sidney Parker! After all the rage he had inspired in her! She ate a few more bites and handed it back to him. Again, their hands gazed and she felt an urge to keep making up reasons to feel his touch.  
“Did you get any sleep at all?” she asked him.  
“No, not really. But I’m glad you did.”  
“Yes, I don’t know how I was able to. I feel bad for sleeping when Georgiana’s life is in peril.”  
“You needed it. You’ve been in a carriage for quite a long period of time now.”  
They went back to staring out the window as the day grew brighter and both were lost in their thoughts and worries about Georgianna.  
She thought back to the look on his face last night, when her saw her behind him at the brothel. He was charming when he looked sheepish and embarrassed. Maybe he was only a very infrequent guest at the brothel Charlotte hoped, but the woman did know him by name. But then again, she did say, “Ain’t seen you in a fair while.” Had he not been back there since his return from London? Then it was a long time… She needed to stop thinking about this. It was too personal, thinking about him there. She looked at him now as he stared out the window. She felt she could stare at his profile all day. Why did he have to be so handsome; it was very distracting. He turned to glance at her, and she flushed slightly and tried to look away. He folded his arms.  
“Yes, Miss Heywood? You are clearly thinking about something.” She gave him a sarcastic smile and quickly though of something more appropriate than such private thing she was envisioning.  
“I ah…well, you mentioned you renounced the sugar trade. I was curious as to why?” She held her breath, unsure if bringing this up would cause him to be angry. And even if it did, she had already seen his anger and she was not afraid of it.  
He stared at her for a few beats, then sighed and looked at the window appearing to gather his thoughts. She could see from his clenched jaw that he did not want to talk about it. She waited patiently.  
“It’s wrong. That’s why. It’s absolutely, morally wrong.” He turned to look at her. “I went there to—to follow through on a contact, a business opportunity. To see if it was profitable. At first, it all seemed worthy, helping their business prosper, while also making a trade for myself. Moving sugar from there to here. But, I ignored my conscience for too long. Eventually I came to terms with it. I waited too long, and I have to live with that shame. I have Georgiana’s father to thank for helping me see the light and for also saving my life, but that’s another story.”  
He had turned to look back out the window and there was that clenched jaw again. She found herself wanting to reach out to touch his face, or run her hands through his hair. She felt bad for judging him. And so relieved that she had gotten it all wrong.  
He turned back to gauge her reaction. “That’s all I want to say about it right now,” he said.  
Charlotte nodded and gave him a small smile. Nothing she could say felt adequate.  
“I’m going to get out and give the driver a break. We have to be coming up on them soon and he’s been running the horses so hard. Will you be ok here?”  
She nodded and handed him his coat.  
He shrugged it on. “Stay inside, I don’t know what we will find. Can you do that this time? And stay safe?” His brown eyes were sincere, but also held a hint of humor. She felt warmed to her toes by his concern.  
He rapped on the ceiling again and hopped out, grabbing his hat on his way out. They were off again and often she thought an axle would break from their speed. Soon there was yelling and the pounding of extra hooves from the second carriage. She thought her head was going to come unattached from her body as the carriage careened faster and faster. She craned her neck to see what she could.  
Charlotte watched Sidney jump from their carriage unto Georgiana’s and gasped! She was so relieved when he landed safely and was impressed when she saw him take over the reins and control the horses. She was moved by the lengths and personal risks that Sidney went to in rescuing her. Soon both carriages came to a stop. As soon as she saw Georgiana emerge from the carriage, she jumped out and ran to her. They quickly ran back to their carriage. Sidney was a few seconds behind them and they set off. He was breathing hard with fire in his veins.  
“You are safe now, Georgiana!” he said.  
Charlotte wanted to burst into tears as she watched Georgiana sit so stoically. She knew it was an act and she put her arms around her. “Georgiana, I am so sorry. I am so sorry I was not with you. I’m so sorry for all of it—for forgetting the time and leaving you all alone.”  
Charlotte felt some tears flow down her cheeks. She felt her shaking and she kept hold of her. Georgiana turned into Charlotte’s shoulder and let her sobs come out. Charlotte caught Sidney’s eye and he gave a nod and looked like he wanted to help in some way, but knew there was nothing to do. Eventually Georgiana sat back up and wiped her eyes and let out a long sigh.  
“Are you unharmed?” Charlotte asked quietly.  
“Yes, I am unharmed. You saved me just in time.” Georgiana recounted moments of her terror and how she was passed from hand to hand. “That was the most terrible night of my life.”  
“He won’t be bothering you again, Georgiana, I will be sure of it.” Sidney said with a look of steel in his eyes. Sidney briefly recounted how they were able to find her.  
The carriage stopped at the nearest town to rest the horses. “I will look for some food. I’ll be right back.” The girls stayed in the carriage, and a little while after, Sidney arrived back with some fresh bread and dried beef. “This can hold you over until we arrive at the London House.”  
Charlotte broke the bread in half and handed it to Georgiana. As the carriage pulled away, Charlotte tossed the rest of the bread to Sidney and when he caught it, she smiled at him thinking back to their camaraderie during the cricket match.  
As the carriage lumbered back to London, Georgiana grew tired and she fell asleep with her head in Charlotte’s lap. Sidney took his coat off and laid it across Georgiana. Charlotte tried to put her head back to close her eyes for a moment. She opened her eyes to see Sidney watching her. She was acutely aware of him. His hair was mussed and he had dark shadows under eyes which just made his dark features even more appealing.  
“Thank you, Miss Heywood,” he said sincerely. I would never have found Miss Lambe without you.”  
“She would have never been in this situation if it wasn’t for me,” Charlotte replied mournfully.  
Sidney shook his head and looked at her intently. “No matter now, it’s over and she’s safe and we need not place blame, except on those that took her.”  
Charlotte opened her mouth, but found that nothing could come out. He had just forgiven her.  
“Thank you,” she murmured and tried to blink back her tears threatening to spill out.  
After they had arrived back in London, Sidney once again surprised her. She discovered that Sidney had paid off the gambling debts of Georgiana’s beau and even allowed him to see her to say goodbye. Charlotte felt stunned at his act of generosity. He was actually very sympathetic and kind.  
Georgianna went to rest in her room and Charlotte took tea with Mr. Tom Parker, Sidney’s brother. Mr. Parker explained more of the details of Sidney’s previous broken engagement. A woman named Eliza had passed him over for an older and wealthier man. Apparently, he had been devastated and self-destructive. Charlotte felt such sadness, knowing Sidney had suffered a broken heart. She wondered if he still loved that woman after all this time. Perhaps this was what he was referring to in the carriage when he said his life would have been easier. Charlotte couldn’t imagine someone passing over Sidney for anyone else. As soon as she had thought it, she felt surprised by it. Just a few days ago she had thought of him so differently.  
When the invitation to the rout at Mrs. Maudsley’s had arrived, she was happy that Lord Babington had included her and even offered for her to borrow a dress from his sister. She had declined, feeling that she needed to stay near to Georgiana and also from feeling overwhelmed. She went upstairs to the sitting room and stared at the fire, replayed all of the events of the past few days. She thought she had a good assessment of Sidney, of the world, but she realized she had been naïve, just as Sidney had said. She wanted to know and to understand this man. She thought of his face as he had said disappointedly, “Is that really what you think of me? I’m sorry that you think that.” This, from the man who had said he didn’t care what she thought. Apparently, that was not true. His shell had cracked and she felt she had seen a deeper cut of the inside of his heart. And now she kept discovering more about him.  
Suddenly, he appeared in the sitting room, conjured up from her thoughts. He seemed vulnerable and asked her to reconsider attending the party. He even apologized to her, saying he had underestimated her. It left her speechless. She couldn’t say no after that.  
As she had her turn in the bath, she continued to think about Sidney and how she felt so close to him again after their adventure. How many things she wanted to talk to him about, to hear his opinions. Again, unbidden, his body down at the cove came to her mind. She looked down at her curves and wondered what he would think, if he was the one to have seen her naked. She slid down further into the water, heat pouring into her and making her breath quicken. She should not be thinking these thoughts about Mr. Sidney Parker. But still they came.  
After her bath she was able to take a nap, and spend some time with Georgiana before Augusta’s dress arrived. She felt rested and even a little excited about the ball. The maid helped her into her dress and fixed her hair with the style of the beau monde.  
\-------  
So here she was. She twirled once more, and again admired the shimmering gold sheaths. She was pleased this gown fit her and it helped her feel more confident. She felt tingly with anticipation and wondered what Sidney would think of her like this. She gathered her courage and headed for the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Sanditon pen-pal, and now friend Lila01, reminded me that it would have been cold and Sidney would have had a blanket...so credit to her for the idea. ❤


	2. Chapter 2

Sidney heard her coming down the hallway. When she had brushed past him after refusing Lord Babington’s invite to the ball, he had felt such disappointment. He realized he didn’t want to go without her. He wanted to spend the evening with her. He knew she liked balls and dancing—and if he would admit it to himself, he wanted to see her dressed up and he wanted to dance with her. He took a deep breath and then there she was at the top of the stairs. He was so glad she had changed her mind. He realized he was staring, but he could not look away from her. This woman. How could she be so confident, so fiery and passionate, strong and independent, and yet soft and vulnerable, all at the same time? And, she was absolutely stunning. Upon his word, he had never known a more attractive woman. He knew he was in trouble. Her beautiful face and the turn off her head as she said, “Does it not suit me? Will it not do?”...as if she suddenly doubted her appearance.  
Her beauty had struck him at their first ball when she was dressed in white, back when he was trying to ignore her and the feelings she was conjuring up. But now here in this gold dress, with it accentuating all her best parts, he felt something shifting inside him. He tried to stop gaping and realized his expression might appear grim. He smiled at her and said, “It will do very well.” He held out his arm and as she reached for it, he felt joy at her touch. He couldn’t wait to sit next to her in the carriage. He was looking for any excuse to touch her.  
He helped her into her cloak and down the stairs into the carriage and settled in beside her, their knees brushing slightly. Even that was such a powerful sensation, coupled with her sweet smell. Tom began to drone on about all the different members of the Beau monde that he expected to see that evening. Sidney tried to tune him out and turned to Charlotte.  
“How is Georgiana? She was sleeping when I tried to see her.”  
“It’s going to take some time, I believe. She wants to be strong, but she is definitely shaken.”  
Sidney nodded thoughtfully and leaned towards her, “And you, Miss Heywood, did you get some rest this afternoon?”  
“I did, thank you.” Charlotte smiled at him and he could feel her warm breath on his cheek. “And here we are in a carriage again.”  
“Yes, but this time it’s not as long, and not as wild,” he smiled back at her and stretched out his long legs. He followed Tom’s gaze out the window. “We are almost there.”  
Was he sitting too close to Charlotte? She didn’t seem mind. Part of him wanted to keep driving around London in this carriage with her. He wanted to show her the city, the finer parts that she had never seen. All she knew was a shady, darker side.  
The carriage came to a stop and they waited for their turn to disembark. He was proud to have Charlotte on his arm and liked watching her upturned face take in the site of the fancy house. Was there ever a more beautiful profile? How did she get under his skin like this? He suddenly felt that he was tired of fighting it. His skin tingled in anticipation of dancing with her in his arms. She took his arm and they started up the long, stone steps to the house. She let go, to adjust her skirts, and he missed her touch.  
They entered the beautiful ballroom. The masked ball helped create a sense of privacy between them and the other guests. It allowed for viewing all the beautiful chandeliered candles, while feeling protected from other’s eyes. Sidney watched Crowe ogling Charlotte and her chest and he wanted to punch him. Sidney couldn’t seem to focus on anything around him, except her. Forget Tom’s order of business, tonight he didn’t care about raising capital for Sanditon. Although, that was main reason to accept the invitation after the drama of the day. He shuddered again, thinking about what could have happened with Georgiana. He felt a silent prayer go forth again _Thank you, God_. He couldn’t remember the last time he had thanked God or thought to include him in his thoughts. He felt different. Hopeful. Was that due to the courage of Charlotte next to him? His tough exterior hadn’t detoured her at all.  
He could feel her discomfort, and assured her that she belonged here as much as anyone else. He let her know that he didn’t feel comfortable there either, actually. He called himself as an outlier just as Charlotte had said and he loved the expression on her face. Yes, he remembered and took note of every single thing she said. He led her around the room as they discussed the behaviors of the beau monde of London, and how they flit from one place to another. Acutely aware of her presence, he tried hard to not reach out and touch her as they darted through the displays of white flowering trees. He reveled in their connection, the way he felt they were the only ones in the room. He convinced her to stay, although she felt unsure and uneasy about being away from Georgiana. She was so charming when she asked permission to leave. He teased her about her having never asked him or anyone permission before doing anything. He was just telling her that she was more than equal to any woman here and that she should never doubt herself, when Tom interrupted and wanted him to share the attributes of their seaside home. Sidney clenched his jaw at the interruption of their intimate moment, and dragged himself away from her, to help Tom for a brief moment.  
When he was able to extract himself from the conversation, he strained his eyes around the room looking for Charlotte. He walked from one side of the room to the other. Where could she be? He spotted Lord Babington, “Have you seen Miss Heywood?”  
“She said she needed some air and ran away pretty quickly.” He pointed in the direction past the curtains. Sidney quickly made his way up the couple of stairs to the landing and felt relieved when he heard voices and recognized Charlotte’s voice and another lady’s talking about the measles.  
“There you are, I was beginning to think you had made your escape…” the other lady in the room looked familiar as she addressed him, and he wasn’t sure how much to read into the fact that they had been discussing him. He smiled at Charlotte as she looked a bit caught out. “I was wondering if Mrs. Heywood would like to dance, if I’m not interrupting that is.”  
“Not in the least,” the lady smiled.  
Charlotte looked bewildered when she took his hand. He loved feeling her hand in his. He led her on to the dance floor and she seemed so surprised he wanted to dance with her. After all their arguments and supposed animosity, how could he make her see what he felt?  
“You did not have to ask me you know, out of politeness…There are so many other ladies here that you could ask.”  
“But I don’t want to dance with them,” he replied.  
He could see her breath catch, and he watched her eyes soften and take him in. Her brown eyes were warm as chocolate. The lighting was too low in the room to see where her freckles were, but he knew them from memory. The light caught her dress and it shimmered, catching the light in her eyes. She was breathtaking. He bowed to her as the dance started. Near, then apart. Back and forth. Finally, his hand was against hers and still she stared at him, intense and thoughtful. He put out his hand and instead of the back of her hand, she slid her hand into his and moved her other arm on his shoulder, sending sparks through his whole body. He felt enveloped by her; he loved moving with her to the music. He wanted her near, he spun her, he wanted her back. He smiled at her; she was so sweet. She made him feel light, when was the last time he had felt like that? She missed a step and they laughed. He felt free, and he couldn’t help himself. He knew he should let her hands go; he should step back, but he couldn’t. He ached for her. He needed her. He wanted to feel her breath on his cheek. He wanted to kiss her mouth and feel her response. He wanted—What was he doing? The dance had ended. He didn’t want to cause a scene. He clenched his jaw and felt bereft at having to step away. He came back to himself and the room.  
He scanned the room and—wait, that face. That face in the crowd, up on the landing by the door. His breath hitched and he looked back to Charlotte and bowed slightly, suddenly needing space. He backed away with his heart pounding from the emotional dance, and now a different beat took over. How could it be? That face, she was smiling at him. It was Eliza. He was sure of it.  
His feet led him to her. His ears felt like they were ringing. He approached her.  
“Mrs. Campion?” even as he said those words, he had never wanted to think of her with that surname. She turned and after all these years, here she was. Years of remembering every moment with her, every stolen kiss, his proposal and their happiness. Years of trying to forget his pain and loss.  
“Sidney.”  
How unbelievable to hear his name on her lips. He couldn’t help his genuine smile at seeing her familiar face so suddenly. Still so pretty, with those marble blue eyes, and some smile lines he didn’t remember before. She seemed genuinely happy to see him as she said his name.  
“How splendid to see you here. I’ve just arrived in London and it’s so wonderful to see a familiar face,” she gushed.  
“I wasn’t aware of your arrival. I had heard of your recent loss though, and extend my condolences,” Sidney replied.  
She shrugged and smiled and looked around the room.  
“This reminds me of the ball we attended at Christmas when I lost my mask, and you created one out of some poinsettias from the ballroom decor,” Eliza said.  
He laughed at the happy memory.  
“I remember. It was definitely the most creative mask of the night.”  
“Yes, everyone was asking me where I purchased it from. And then we danced all night and you wouldn’t let anyone else dance with me,” she said.  
Charlotte.  
Sidney swung his head around to meet Charlotte’s eyes who was staring at him from across the room. He ducked from her gaze, feeling awkward and uncomfortable.  
“And, how are you? How are you fairing since your return from Antigua?” Eliza asked.  
Sidney wasn’t sure how to answer, distracted by the thought she had known of his whereabouts. He gave a vague answer, as Tom passed him on the landing. He didn’t dare to look up to see Charlotte again. Their banter felt normal, as if no time had passed. They chatted some more, and although he was happy to be talking to Eliza, he began to feel a bit uncomfortable. Eliza had started to gossip about a few of their former acquaintances and it wasn’t interesting to him. She had an entourage with her. It was different to see her dressed in the highest fashion and flaunting her wealth.  
He shifted his weight. She was flirting with him. Did she regret marrying Mr. Campion? Maybe his money had made her happy after all and she didn’t regret it. Had she loved him? And now she was a widow. Wasn’t that just a month ago? She was definitely not mourning.  
They chatted on some more, and he felt himself getting distracted by his thoughts. He asked if he could be excused for minute to check on something. She smiled demurely, and he bowed slightly.  
He had to find Charlotte. This was all so strange suddenly. Charlotte had needed him by her side tonight, after all that they had been through the night before. She had no other friends at this ball. He felt terrible for leaving her. He again strolled around the room checking out by the alcove, near the windows again, but with no success. He found Tom.  
“Where is Mrs. Heywood?” Sidney asked.  
“Charlotte asked to have the carriage take her back to the house”.  
“Unescorted?”  
“Well, yes, I have to stay for raising interest in the regatta and you were getting re-acquainted with Mrs. Campion and I wasn’t going to interrupt that.”  
Sidney sighed and felt terrible. He wanted to go home and make sure she had gotten in safely. He felt torn. He saw Eliza smile across the room.  
“Wait, wait, wait, Sidney. Before you go, you must invite Eliza to the Regatta! It would be so wonderful to have her come and...”  
Sidney cut him off with a wave of his hand.  
“Tom, you are overstretching. Now stop. I’ll see you later.” He walked back to Eliza, while shaking off Tom’s words. He just couldn’t picture Eliza in Sanditon.


	3. Chapter 3

Charlotte watched the scene unfolding in front of her as if she were outside of her body. It couldn’t be. That was her. The woman who had broken his heart. Look how he was laughing with her. They looked so perfect together. He was obviously eager to speak to her. Charlotte was still lost in the wake of their passionate dance. And then in a flash he was gone. She caught his eye as he looked across the room at her briefly. Was that a guilty look in his eye? Tom’s words echoed in her brain like a drum.  
_“They were very much in love. Recently widowed, back in London, light in his eyes, the presence of a young lady_.”  
How could she have believed for one second that Sidney was interested in her. Her foolish imagination. How could she have been so naïve. Exactly what Sidney called her just the day before, or last evening, or whenever it was…  
She felt her ears close off, and the room suddenly was overheated and suffocating. She quickly fled the dance room, skirting around the outside of the room to avoid Sidney. Thankfully she spotted Lord Babington near the cloak room. She asked him to call for the carriage as she needed to go home to be with Georgiana.  
“Are you sure you are alright, Miss Heywood?”  
“Yes, Georgiana’s just had such a fright and I need to be with her,” She replied, not meeting his eyes.  
He helped her find her cloak and got her settled into the carriage.  
“Thank you, Lord Babington. Please tell Tom for me.”  
He nodded and said, “I hope you are both feeling better in the morning. Good night, Miss Heywood.”  
As she headed for Bedford Place, she stared up at the full moon over the city. Her head was pounding. Her heart felt shattered. Her new friend Susan had it all wrong. She was not in love with Sidney Parker. He was clearly meant for someone else. Yet, she disliked leaving without him. She had felt so close to him, they had come so far, experienced so much together. She felt completely deflated. She collapsed back in the seat stunned by the turn of events. She missed him here in the carriage. Wished he was here to spar with her or to feel his knees brush hers again. She sat up and gripped the edge of the seat. But no, he was talking to the girl he loved. She fumed and felt the sparks of jealousy flair. If Mrs. Campion was recently widowed, why was she already out in public? And coming to a ball! Was she in pursuit of Sidney? She sighed. She had to put this out of her mind. Isn’t that what Sidney had said? _One had to put it out of their mind or they’d go mad_? She refused to go down the road of jealousy.  
Arriving back at the London house she checked in on Georgiana. She was thankful she was fast asleep, as she didn’t want to talk about the ball and why she was back so early. The maid helped her out of her dress and then Charlotte thanked her and excused her. She wanted to be alone. She stared at herself in the mirror. She had felt so beautiful tonight and the way he had looked at her…surely, she hadn’t imagined it all. Her hair was down from her updo and wavy upon her shoulders. She held out a strand and let it fall. She was nothing like that woman, who was fair and blond. That was obviously what he preferred.  
She crawled into the bed which felt so luxurious against her skin. She was so tired. What time would Sidney arrive home? Would she hear him? His room was just across the hall from hers. It was pointless now to think of him. She closed her eyes…his clenched jaw, the line of his eyebrows, his brown eyes with the bottomless depths. “ _You’re more than equal to any woman here_.” His endearing smile, the feel of his strong muscular shoulder under her hand. “ _But I don’t want to dance with them.”_  
She rolled unto her side and groaned. She could not have imagined his ardor. He had not wanted to let go of her as the dance came to an end. She had felt the magnetic pull as her hand slid into his. He didn’t offer it in the polite way they were supposed to, and she hadn’t hesitated. It felt like fire, and comfort. Her hand fit so perfectly in his. She hadn’t wanted to let go either. The feel of his body under his jacket. How she felt so exposed and yet safe, with her arm raised overhead moving into him. His body that she could picture all too well. His eyes never strayed from her for a minute.  
But then! Oh, why did Mrs. Campion have to be there right at that moment? What would have happened next? Would they have continued to dance? Would they have had more private moments, even while in the midst of a crowd? Would that intimacy have continued to build? Charlotte couldn’t compete with the past. She had to get over this and watch him be happy with someone else. She needed to sleep. She also didn’t want to fall asleep, because she knew the vividness of her evening with him would feel different in the morning. She’d have to forget it all and act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  
How he had changed since she first met him! Or maybe her perspective of him had changed? He had paid Otis’s debts! He apologized to her! He actually listened to all that she had said. She thought back on all of the times she’d seen glimpses of his kind-heartedness. Charlotte sighed, and her mind drifted to the sight of his body down at the cove again. His broad strong shoulders, his chiseled torso and abdomen, and that indentation drifting to down to…Her body felt so stirred, her attraction to him was immense, and her own midsection felt waves of desire rush through her. That body, his body. She had been in his arms tonight. She got back out of bed and went to the window to look outside. The moonlight washed the street white. She sat there for a while waiting. Waiting for what? He was with Eliza. She felt so weary, she almost could cry. She threw herself back on the bed and promised herself she would not think of his naked body again. It was improper. But the image was burnt in her brain and she had to fight it off several more times before she finally fell asleep.  
She woke late, it was very bright out. She dressed quickly and pulled her hair back loosely. She needed to pack for Sanditon as they had been planning on leaving today. She wanted to check on Georgiana. but she felt so hesitant to leave her room. She wanted to see Sidney, and she also wanted to avoid him. What would it be like to be that close to him in a carriage again? Would he sit beside her or across from her? She opened the door cautiously and peered down the hallway. This was not like her. She was determined to be strong. She was being ridiculous. She walked down the hall and heard voices out in the sitting room. She stopped outside Georgiana’s room; her hand poised on the doorknob.  
Tom was saying, “So, we will see you back in Sanditon in a few days. Thank you for raising more interest in the Regatta. Here is the list of a few more contacts Lord Babington gave me. He thinks they will at least listen. Well, I’m anxious to get back to Sanditon. There’s lots to be done. I’m going to finish preparations and make sure the girls are ready.”  
“Have you seen…them this morning? I know Miss Heywood left in a hurry last night,” asked Sidney.  
“Georgiana asked to take breakfast in her room and I’m sure Charlotte is joining her. I figured that was acceptable in light of everything,” replied Tom.  
“I wanted to see Georgiana before she departed and…well, please let her know that I will see her in Sanditon in a few days. I must take my leave.”  
“Take care, good Brother.”  
With that, Charlotte opened the door and swung inside and quickly closed the door. She just wasn’t ready to see him. And she also ached at not seeing him for a few days, and was disappointed he was not returning with them. Of course, he wouldn’t be. He would be spending time with Eliza. Charlotte ached at the thought. She couldn’t change the timing of Eliza’s return to his life. They had loved each other before and now they were free to finally be together. That would be the end of the story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a lot of inner musings :)

Sidney shut the door the London House as he took a stroll to clear his head. He had just successfully avoided Charlotte. His head was spinning. Seeing, being near Eliza after all this time was confusing to say the least. Hearing the timbre of her voice again had made him feel that no time had passed. He tried not to let himself think about why he had not asked Eliza to dance. Maybe it was her newly widowed status? Maybe he didn’t want any Beau Monde members to start to speculate? He craved privacy and tried to stay out of sight of the London society. He wouldn’t let himself think of any other reason. He should be happy, but instead he felt conflicted. Last night when he laid down, he felt like his exhaustion from the night in the carriage and his emotional onslaught would never let him settle into real sleep. Just as he would be about to drift off…her brown eyes, her upturned face, her dimpled chin, and the curve of her cheekbones leading to the most luscious lips would flash in his face. He could feel her nearness across the hall. She had attended the ball with him and he felt guilty for leaving her. She had left without a word. What must she think of him?  
He had rejoined Eliza and they picked up their conversation. Although it came naturally, something also began to feel forced. Did Eliza expect that they would just pick up where they had left off? He wasn’t sure. So much had changed. He was not the same young naïve man that he was. And she was different from how he remembered too. There were traces of the old Eliza and he was trying to connect the two in his mind. She made him promise to call on her within two days. Now here he was, planning to stay in London to work on some more business dealings and likely spending time with Eliza.  
He sat on a bench and laid his walking stick down. He was wavering. Part of him still wanted to see Georgiana and Charlotte off to Sanditon, so why was he sitting here? He stood up and headed back to the house. Maybe he could still catch them in time. He hadn’t wanted to knock on their doors, what if they were dressing? What if Charlotte looked at him with disdain or acted as if nothing had happened? He walked a few steps and turned back to the park. _Just let it go_ he told himself. His business contact was meeting him in an hour so he decided to just keep walking until he reached his study. He was sure that he would meet Crowe and Babington tonight at the pub. And he’d call on Eliza tomorrow for tea. He reached for his cigarette case in his jacket, only to find it missing. He had stopped smoking recently, but he desperately needed one. He had time to go back to the house and get it. He knew right where it was, and he’d just sneak in quietly to retrieve it, and be on his way.  
He opened the door to the house and quietly stepped inside. He waved off the Butler and made his way past the stairs and into the drawing room. He strode across the room to grab his case from the mantle. He turned around and was startled to see Charlotte sitting there at the desk. She looked just as startled as himself.  
“Good day, Mr. Parker,” Charlotte said slowly.  
“Good day, Mrs. Heywood. I trust you rested well,” Sidney felt his heart beating faster. She didn’t look as if that was the case, but it made her even more lovely. “I, uh, I apologize for not seeing you home last night. I hope you enjoyed the ball somewhat.”  
Charlotte nodded. She looked like she wanted to say more, but remained silent which was not like her. He tried to read her eyes, but she turned slightly.  
“I’m just writing a thank you to Lord Babington’s sister for the dress,” she said.  
Oh, that dress on her.  
“I understand we will see you in a few days in Sanditon,” she said.  
“Yes, I’m hoping to gain a few more interests in the regatta. I know you will be busy in the next few days, but I was wondering if you’d keep close attention to Georgiana.”  
“Oh Mr. Parker, of course I will. I mean, I…well I mean, the last time you asked me that, I let you down and I…I just appreciate you giving me another chance.”  
His heart swelled as she looked pained and he wished to comfort her somehow. He took a few steps closer to her. “Please, forgive yourself and let it stay in the past.” Feeling flustered by the questions in her dark eyes he needed an escape.  
“Tell Georgiana I’ll call on her as soon as I arrive back in Sanditon. Good day, Miss Heywood.”  
“Good day.”  
He left with a little ache in his heart.  
\----------  
That night he came home late and paused outside the room that Charlotte had used. She had been gone for hours, but he still felt her. He opened the door and stepped inside. He looked around and wondered what she had thought of the room. His lip curled up thinking about her and her opinions. He looked out at the view of the city that she would have seen. What had she thought of London in the light of day? He looked at the bed where she had been sleeping. What would it be like to crawl into bed beside her? Oh, just let it go. He strolled quickly across the room and closed the door firmly.  
In his own room he sat on the chair and took off his boots. Raking his hands through his hair, he sighed and quickly undressed, a little intoxicated. His thoughts drifted again, as he crawled into bed. He still couldn’t believe she had taken the coach all by herself to come to London to help rescue Georgianna. She was fearless. What could this girl not do? She seemed to be able to manage anything. Her personal bravery was inspiring. Her strong opinions, her courage to say what she felt was important to her, her keen sense of observation—all of these things made her so attractive. Drat, here he was thinking of her again. He rolled over and pulled a pillow into his chest. The attraction he had felt at the dance. He hoped he had not made a scene and had drawn unwanted attention at the end of the dance when he could not seem to pull away. All the push and pull, the tension between them, it was all due to this draw to her that he could not seem to shake. This girl from the country, who was from such a different world than his own, was taking over his brain. _Oh, upon my word man, just stop_ , he thought again.  
He was going to think about Eliza. He was going to see her tomorrow. Shouldn’t that be the foremost thing in his mind? He had loved her for a long time. Now may be their time for a second chance. He occasionally wondered if he could put it all behind him, how much hurt she had caused him. Was he still harboring bitterness?  
\------  
The rest of the week passed by quickly. Sidney wrapped up his business trying to gain more attraction to Sanditon. A few said they would come to see the new town of Sanditon. And a few had made plans to come to the Regatta. He had seen Eliza multiple times and enjoyed her company. Well, of course he did. Initially, he had been so bowled over by seeing her, by her attention to him. He felt flattered, but also a bit resistant. He was reminded daily that she had abruptly left him, her youthful love, to choose a wealthy man. He thought of it every time he saw her display her wealth. He had a harder time connecting this woman with the one he had loved and pined over. Had the memory of her become greater than the reality of her?  
He was meeting her for afternoon tea, before heading back to Sanditon first thing in the morning. He was strolling through the park, when he noticed a woman waving at him and making her way over to him.  
“Good afternoon, Mr. Parker”  
“Good afternoon, Ma’am. I’m sorry I don’t have the pleasure of knowing your name.  
“Well, most just call me Lady Susan.” It dawned on him where he knew her face from. “I met your friend Miss Heywood at Mrs. Maudsley’s ball.”  
Sidney took her gloved hand and brushed his lips with it. “Ah, yes, I remember. Nice to officially make your acquaintance.”  
“May I walk with you, Sir?” she asked.  
“Of course.”  
They fell into step together.  
“How is our Miss Heywood?” Lady Susan asked peering intently at him.  
Sidney startled again at her name and at the use of ‘our’.  
“She is back in Sanditon getting ready for the Regatta. It was actually her idea of a way to draw more visitors to Sanditon.”  
“Yes, she mentioned it briefly to me. Sounds like a lovely event. And you are returning there soon, I presume?” Lady Susan asked.  
“Well, yes actually. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”  
“And the regatta is on Saturday?”  
“Yes, it is. We are planning on a few more activities as well to make it an all-day event.”  
“So, meanwhile you have been here raising interest, and revisiting the past?”  
Sidney’s head snapped towards her, and she smiled slightly.  
“It can be difficult to resurrect something that died a long time ago,” she added.  
Sidney’s feet came to a stop. He noted that Lady Susan had no guile in her countenance. Only that she was speaking a truth. One that resonated deep inside his heart.  
“I pray that you have a good response to your Regatta, Mr. Parker. I wish you success. I must bid you goodbye now.”  
He bowed and she turned back to her party waiting behind them and he continued on his way. What an interesting woman. His curiosity took over wondering if Charlotte had discussed him with Lady Susan. Did Charlotte care enough about him that she would even mention it to her? He pondered all she had said as he walked towards Eliza’s house in St. Marylebone.  
Sidney handed his hat to the Butler. “Mrs. Campion is in the parlor.”  
She smiled brightly when he entered and lifted her hand for him to kiss. He sat near her on the settee. “So, you are leaving me for that backwards little ‘Sandy town’? How can you ever stand to be away from your comfortable conveniences?”  
“Well, it’s not this,” he waved his hand around at the opulent decorated room, “but it’s not uncomfortable.”  
“Oh, you may need to be a little more convincing for me to come. Here I was, hoping you would be begging me to reconsider, as you realized how much you would miss me,” she laughed mischievously.  
“Well, that is up to you, Mrs. Campion.”  
“Oh, don’t be so formal Sidney, dear.”  
“Well, if you decide to come, be sure to send word ahead so we can have your accommodations prepared,” he replied, knowing she would never come.  
She fluttered her eyes, “You mean you wouldn’t put me up at Trafalgar House?”  
“Well,” he stammered and looked away, “I believe the house will be full.”  
“Oh, what a pity. We shall see.”  
She stood up and strolled around the room. “I was thinking the other day of how interesting it is that you are here and I am here. And how different it all could have been.”  
“Were you happy Eliza? With him?” he asked quietly.  
She looked away and distracted herself with a figurine that she picked off of the mantle.  
“Happy…sometimes,” she sounded detached. “It wasn’t for love…though I was sad to have remained childless.” She put the figure back and tried to put on a smile. She brushed her hands down her skirt waved one in the air and said, “Well, never mind all of that. It was for the best and after all—you are here now.” She strode to him and placed her hand out. He took it and she sat beside him again.  
“Why did you do it? I thought your affections were sealed towards me. You can’t know how your decision effected me.” He stood up, frustrated and confused all over again. He looked down at this woman he had once loved and adored—once loved.  
She slightly shrugged her and wouldn’t meet his eyes. She didn’t have to say it. She hadn’t loved him enough to turn down thousands of pounds. He wasn’t worth that to her. It still smarted. And it still made him angry. Why was he even asking her the question?  
After he left her house, he walked straight to the pub hoping to find some answers over a pint, or two.  
\------  
In the middle of the night, he sat straight up in bed his heart pounding. In his dream, he had been in the alley, fighting off the knife-wielding man. This had been haunting him. What if he had not been there at that moment? Who would have come to her rescue? He rested his elbows on his bare knees and put his head down on his arms trying to slow his breathing. He shuddered to think of what may have happened to Charlotte. He closed his eyes and laid back down on his pillow, the sheets all askew. Memories and scenes flashed through his mind. He thought of her playing cricket. Her pretty face telling him to bugger off because he was ruining her concentration. Her thin white dress—her chest heaving. He thought of the cove. His nakedness. What had she thought of him? What would it be like to have her in bed beside him? How pretty she would be with her dark hair sprawled out around her. Her... _No_! He turned on his side and groaned, trying to calm his racing mind.  
\---------  
Sidney got lost in his thoughts on the carriage ride to Sanditon. He thought about Eliza. He thought about Charlotte. He grimaced as he remembered how rude and un-feeling he had appeared to Charlotte upon meeting her. He was in a grumpy mood when he came upon her with Mary on the cliff. And he got even more annoyed by his instant attraction to her. Her big, wide eyes, so innocent, yet already looking at him as if she could see his soul. And then he tried to fight his attraction to her at the ball. And the quickening of his heart when she joined him on the balcony. And then his pride being wounded, and his anger at her correct observations of his family. Who was she to say all of those things to someone she had just met, despite the fact that he had asked for it? Rather it was true or not? His emotions had felt all conflicted and he just stormed out. Later, he had felt bad for the tears in her eyes and knew he had also gone too far. And then he just got even more angry that he was even thinking about her and why should he care about her feelings. And then the cove…a part of him was happy that she saw him. What would have happened if someone had seen them?  
And then, there was the way she helped with Old Stringer. He knew no other ladies who would have been able to do that. She was inspiring. When he tried to apologize about the cove, she didn’t twitter and act coy, or even seem that embarrassed at all. Just the prettiest, lightest, blush across her face. He enjoyed their banter that day so much he had played it over and over in his mind. Even his anger over Charlotte’s involvement with Otis and Georgianna didn’t seem to diminish his attraction to her. He just could never stay mad her.  
Sidney sighed. He thought of how he felt convicted about Charlotte confronting him about visiting the brothel. He was embarrassed that she had called him out. It had never made him feel comfortable, even though it was so common. But Charlotte’s face, her innocence, and her pure heart had changed his perspective. He knew he would never visit another one again.  
He thought about Eliza. She was capable of immense hurt and betrayal. He knew, or at least it seemed, that Eliza was pursuing him. But he had been deceived by her before. The thought of marriage with her was causing a growing unease. What was holding him to Eliza? Just the years of devotion, holding on to the memory of her, remembering his first love? What was the point of all those years if it all was for nothing? If he actually had another chance with her, could he this time, be the one to walk away?  
He realized he always felt like he had to be careful of what he said to Eliza. He was not relaxed around her, always on his guard. He was never like that with Charlotte. Their conversation was enlightening and lively. Charlotte had seen him at his worst; his moods, his anger. She never seemed to be fazed by it. It also dawned on him that he was always comparing Eliza to Charlotte. Eliza could be cold. Even if Charlotte was trying to be cold, she was still warm. He smiled, thinking of how her very nature was warm and good and kind. His carriage was about an hour from Sanditon and he felt nervous anticipation at seeing her again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Sanditon novel, based on the script, states that Sidney tried to see Georgiana for two days in Sanditon before the scene where Charlotte is coming out of her room. That means he potentially would have seen Charlotte multiple times before that moment…

Chapter 5  
Charlotte sighed as she strolled along the flat beach head. She had done her best to hide her despondency since her return to Sanditon. She had tried to throw herself into helping Tom with plans for the Regatta, and keeping busy with the children. However, every activity left her thinking of Sidney. A walk on the beach—their walk on the beach together. Walking past the hotel—Sidney and her helping Old Stringer. Sidney—in the house, in the study, Mrs. Griffiths’ parlor. Sidney—here on the beach with the cricket. Even with his absence, she felt she could not escape him.  
She didn’t know when he would return. Mary didn’t know or didn’t say, but she knew it had to be soon. When she walked through town, she saw that the coach had arrived. She looked around for him, but didn’t see him anywhere in the street. It was getting late and she needed to help Mary with the children. She found Mary upstairs.  
“Sidney has arrived. He went to check on Georgiana,” Mary said.  
Charlotte tried to hide her flushed face from Mary. If anyone had looked at her, they would have been able to see right through her. The mere mention of his name caused her so much joy, and anguish.  
“Henry is requesting his favorite horse, but I’ve been unable to find it. Do you mind looking for it? He remembers having it downstairs.”  
“Yes, I think I saw it earlier.” Charlotte headed down the stairs to look. She checked in the parlor, but couldn’t find it. She headed into the front room. The door opened and she turned around to see Sidney closing the door. He stopped at the sight of her.  
“Well met, Miss Heywood,” he said, smiling at her.  
Her heart fluttered at the sight of his face, and especially at the warmth of his smile.  
“Good Evening, Mr. Parker. Welcome back.”  
“Thank you, glad to be. I just tried to check on Georgiana, but Mrs. Griffiths said she was resting and didn’t want visitors. Has she been out of her room at all?” Sidney walked in and sat down on the arm chair. “She will have to let me see her at some point.”  
“She hasn’t left her room. She is still embarrassed about the whole thing.”  
He nodded. “Yes, I am sure. And what about you, how have you been?” He said, stretching his arm over the back of the chair. “How’s the plans for the regatta?”  
“Things are going well overall; except we are all very worried about Lady Denham. Tom’s been…well, Tom and full of extra enthusiasm for everyone. Two more days to plan, but I think it will be a success. At least we hope so.”  
“Yes, I’m here to help Tom and…”  
Tom came into the room. “Brother, you’ve arrived! Come into my study. We have much to discuss.”  
Sidney turned and looked at Charlotte. He hesitated, but then stood up and bowed slightly to Charlotte. “Glad to have seen you tonight, Miss Heywood. Until tomorrow.”  
Charlotte didn’t want him to go. She also wanted to stay and ease-drop on their conversation. She wanted to hear if Mrs. Campion was going to be mentioned. But she also didn’t want to stoop that low. She forced herself upstairs, distracted and forgetting all about the lost horse.  
\---------  
The next day she woke early. There was a lot to complete for the day and everything felt more exciting knowing Sidney was back. Tom and Sidney had taken breakfast at the hotel. She spent the morning helping Mary discuss menu items with the baker for the Regatta. In the afternoon, Charlotte was making the prize ribbons in the study. She was sitting on the floor with the supplies sprawled out around her and on the chaise lounge. She was singing as she worked, and didn’t see or hear Sidney appear.  
“Do you need any help with those?”  
She startled and laughed.  
“I’m…sorry for the singing.” She said, a blush creeping over her cheeks.  
“You should never apologize, Miss Heywood. Your voice is beautiful.”  
She flushed deeper and felt that his presence was a spark, a ray of light. It made her feel alive.  
“Well, Mr. Parker, if you are good with ribbons, be my guest,” she said with a cheeky grin.  
“You will have to show me how.”  
He sat down beside her on the floor. She was sitting crossed legged and arranged her skirts to make room for him. Maybe this wasn’t the proper way for a lady to sit but, she never was one for decorum and he didn’t seem to be either.  
“You cut it about this length. Like this…and then attach it to the back of this part with the pin.”  
He was so close to her. When she looked at him, she could see small flecks of amber in his eyes that she had not noted before. She wanted to touch his face, his strong jawbone. Her fingers trembled. _Focus Charlotte, focus._  
“Did you get to visit Miss Lambe today?” Charlotte asked.  
“I tried to call on her again this morning and she refused me once more. I thought I’d give her one more day, but I need to see her. I need to know that she will recover.”  
He watched what she was doing and he tried his best to copy. They laughed at his final result, but she told him it would do. He helped her make a few more, before Jenny and Alicia ran in to jump on him. Charlotte scooped up the ribbons and put them in the basket. She watched Sidney play with his nieces and couldn’t help thinking he would be a wonderful father.  
Sidney stayed for dinner that night and sat across from Charlotte. She told herself it was her imagination that she found his eyes on her so often. She immensely enjoyed being part of their family. Their conversation ranged from the state of the government and the Prince Regent, to the regatta and stories of their childhoods. She felt comfortable here. In a short amount of time, she had come to love Sanditon very much. A lot of that also had to do with this family. She believed in this town and this family, and felt determined to see it grow.  
“How do you feel, Miss Heywood? This was your idea, and now here it is, two days away?” asked Sidney.  
Tom butted in, “Well, it’s going to be a success, as long as people attend. That, of course, will determine its fate.”  
Charlotte just looked at Sidney and shrugged with a wry grin. He shook his head at his brother and smiled back at her. She loved this new ease of their interaction. In place of angered exchanges, with passions and tempers rising, now there was an easy flow.  
Sidney stayed for brandy after dinner, and she helped get the children down to bed and returned to the parlor. Arthur and Diana had come over and Arthur was setting up a game to play. They all spent a lovely evening laughing and enjoying each other’s company.  
\-------  
The next day Sidney and Charlotte came back from Georgiana’s together. He was so charming when Charlotte teased him about actually having feelings. Especially when he replied, “I have a reputation to uphold.” She loved walking on the street with him and liked being seen by his side. He was so attentive to her. She couldn’t help but feel that they were tied together, after all they had been through, that something was brewing. Her spirits had picked up since she had not heard him mention Mrs. Campion once. Surely, Tom would have asked Sidney about her. She had overhead Tom talking to Mary about the fact that Sidney had seen Mrs. Campion, but she had heard nothing since. She couldn’t bring herself to ask.  
They spent the afternoon collecting the sign-up posters for the sandcastle competition, helping to oversee the tent set up and making sure everything was getting set up according to plan.  
Late in the day, she was organizing papers in the study, when she heard the children shouting that Uncle Sidney was there, and that he had a pretty lady with him. Her heart sunk to the bottom of her feet. Her legs felt wooden, yet she still found herself moving forward to see the scene playing out before her. The sight of them together filled her with a jealousy she didn’t know she was capable of. Jealous of their past, and jealous of his affection for her. It felt vicious and ugly, and she swallowed it down, before it enveloped her soul.  
Once again, she had misinterpreted his interest. She had let herself have hope. His eyes locked on hers. He looked pained somehow, but was also playing the perfect gentleman. She wouldn’t look away. She was burning this image into her head. The two who belonged together, after all this time, having their second chance. She heard they had made accommodation plans at the hotel for Mrs. Campion. It sounded as if they had not known she was coming, although Tom was saying to Mary that Sidney had invited her. She slithered away and crept quietly up the steps. Her enthusiasm for the regatta was soured. She let Mary know she was taking dinner with Georgiana. She snuck away as soon as she could, happy to avoid all sights of them on her way to the boarding house.  
\------  
That night in her room, she resigned herself to the decision Sidney was making. The more she thought about Sidney, the more she realized his happiness was what mattered. If marrying Eliza was his dream, then she wanted that for him. She opened the window and took deep breaths of the sea air. Staring into the night sky, tears rolled down her cheeks. That night, she wrestled and prayed and surrendered. She had been falling for him, but needed to let her expectations go. What she had been imagining, would not be coming to past. She refused to be bitter.  
It was hard to awake the next morning and face the day with her usual cheerfulness, but she tried. The more she smiled and acted normal, the more she felt she would be alright. Until she saw them walking towards her, as she built sandcastles with the children. Sidney had his usual smile for her and made a nice effort to stop and say hello. He did not introduce her to Mrs. Campion. And then Mrs. Campion’s comment, referring to her as one of the children. It was not lost on Charlotte, that she purposely said that and barely acknowledged her. She did her best to ignore the pit in her stomach. The one that had barely let her eat lately, her nerves all amiss. She squared her shoulders and finished her task with the kids. She knew her strength was not hers only, but came from her faith in a God that loved and cared for her. She pulled on that today.  
She felt such a spark of hope and light upon seeing Lady Susan and seeing that she had come just for her! She also knew what this meant for the town. She enjoyed her new friend’s company so much. She felt torn all over, when Lady Susan referred again, to her being in love with Sidney. It was so dangerous to have hope. She wasn’t sure that she should, or that she could handle it.  
And then there he was, rolling up his shirt sleeves, his taut muscles flexing and stretching. Had Sidney followed her, after watching her walk down the hill with Young Stringer? Where was Mrs. Campion? There was no one around, but he did not seem to be concerned. He quoted a lovely passage and when she knew it, his expression was priceless.  
And his hand reaching out for hers to get in the boat with him. Looking at her like that. His voice a command, but also a request, “Come on.” She was all his, didn’t he know that? They sat down in the boat, and he leaned over her to untie the rope and pushed off. He looked as flustered as she felt at his nearness.  
“Can I ask you something, Mrs. Heywood?” he said. It was such a lovely expression. One that spoke of trust, of relationship, of respect for one’s opinion. And here he was asking for hers. Of course, he was compatible for marriage. Why was he asking her? Who exactly was he referring to?  
She loved the lines on his face. His dark brooding eyes staring into hers. He put her hands on the oars and showed her how to row. She could not control her breathing. The feel of his hands on hers. The sensuality of their rowing, their rhythm. She thought for a second that he was going to kiss her. The way he was staring at her. The way he seemed so effected. When his hand touched her side, and grazed down her thigh, she drew in the deepest breath and felt it all the way down in her lower abdomen. His cheeky grin at his boldness. She was lost, absolutely lost. All she knew was that she wanted to be lost with him like this forever.  
“Sidney!”  
And then there was Mrs. Campion, shouting from the shore, and the spell was broken. He stood up and moved across the boat and rowed them back to shore without saying a word. As he helped her out of the boat, she felt him looking at her as he reached for her hand, but she didn't meet his eyes. He tied up the boat while Mrs. Campion ignored her and cornered Sidney as soon as he got out of the boat. Charlotte gathered her things and left as soon as she could. What did he mean by all of it? She knew in her core that he was honorable, but it left her feeling utterly confused.


	6. Chapter 6

_The previous day_

  
He could not believe Eliza was in Sanditon. He had been at the hotel when her carriage arrived. She had asked for him and found him inside right away.  
“Sidney, here I am in your little ‘Sandy town’!” Eliza smiled demurely.  
He greeted her politely, while finding himself frustrated inside. Of course, she hadn’t let him know she was coming, how inconvenient for everyone. And what would Charlotte think? If he had known Eliza was coming, he could have let Charlotte know ahead of time, to explain possibly. He would have had a room ready at the hotel. There was no way he would put her up at Trafalgar House. Not with Charlotte there. It felt like having two worlds collide.  
He found the nicest room he could and got Mrs. Campion settled in. After that, he took her for a tour of the town and she found a way to put it down, saying that it had remained unchanged. Years had passed and the town had changed greatly, it was obvious. She couldn’t seem to be able to give any credit to anything of his or his family’s. Why did she have to disdain everything? He tried to let her down easy, to explain that he was different than she may have remembered. He nodded when she said that she was here for him and not the regatta. Well, at least she was making her intentions good and clear. He really wasn’t the same boy Eliza had known. Her broken engagement changed him. His years in Antigua had changed him. But Charlotte had changed him in a different way. She made him a better man. He instinctively knew that Charlotte believed in him, despite everything.  
He did not want to take Eliza to the house, but he knew he could not put it off. He hated seeing Charlotte in the shadows looking at him like that. They had shared such wonderful past few days with each other. He learned much about her family and what her life was like back in Willingden, which he was so curious to see. And now he felt like he was betraying Charlotte. Tom and Mary invited Eliza for dinner, and he couldn’t refute the invite. Charlotte disappeared and when he asked, he learned she was taking her dinner with Georgiana that night. He knew that meant she’d have to walk back in the dark and he felt very protective of her. Dinner dragged on and felt rather painful. As soon as Eliza was settled for the night at the hotel, he walked back to Trafalgar House to inquire that Charlotte had returned safely home.  
The next morning, he took his usual swim in the ocean. When he got out of the cold water, he looked up the beach, almost hoping to see Charlotte walking along the shore. So many inner musings, it was causing his head to ache. The endless immensity of the sea helped to put everything into perspective. He had thought he’d remain a bachelor; had conceded himself to that. But now he had been considering a future, with a wife by his side, with a family. He realized a life with Eliza was moving backwards into the past. He wanted to go forward to the future. One that was warm with the promise of love and laughter, forgiveness and grace. Not one full of past hurts and old pains, one of high society and frivolous social gatherings. His body was chilled from the sea, but his heart felt alive and warm. His blood pumping with hope and desire.  
A few hours later, he was very happy to see Charlotte on the beach. She looked so lovely sitting there with the children. She was not above playing with them in the sand, and getting dirty. He couldn’t help his smile. He wanted to stay, but he felt the uncomfortableness of the situation. As they walked away, Eliza couldn’t leave it alone saying, “She’s rather a sweet little thing.” It was clear she was baiting him. His attraction to Charlotte was obvious.  
Later, up on the hill, he was watching the guests with his brothers. Arthur made a comment about not trusting Eliza. He had to admit that Arthur made a very valid point. He knew they thought he was watching Eliza, but what he had noticed was Charlotte going down the hill with Young Stringer. He did not like that one bit. He left his brothers and headed back another way.  
\--------  
His rowing rendezvous with Charlotte sealed something in his mind. He was acutely aware of his response to her. And sensed Charlotte’s to him. He was so lost in the moment he forgot where they were and who could be watching. He just wanted to stay on the boat with Charlotte. He never wanted to get off that river with her. It brought him clarity. And how it made him feel when Eliza interrupted. Eliza made him feel obligated. Charlotte stirred his passion. He knew now. It was Charlotte...she was in his head, in his heart, in his soul. There was no going back, only going forward. He wanted her at the helm, and beside him in the boat.  
\------  
Sidney found himself wanting this day to be over, especially when he saw Eliza headed toward Charlotte in the tent. It was bound to get awkward. He heard Lady Susan baiting Eliza, and she fell right into it. Eliza just couldn’t help herself, but to put Charlotte down. His Heraclites comment was between Charlotte and himself, and it was not meant to be a joke. He heard the slip of his tongue calling Charlotte by her Christian name. Did she notice? He felt proud of Charlotte for coming back at Eliza with a retort, but he knew she was hurt. He felt terrible they had laughed at what he said. He excused himself as quickly as he could and he ran after Charlotte.  
“Wait, wait, wait,” he said to her.  
The tear on her cheek caused a chasm in his heart.  
“I hope you weren’t too offended by Mrs. Campion. It was only made in jest.”  
_Why was he apologizing for Eliza’s behavior?_  
The pretty tilt of her head. “Is that all I am to you? A source of amusement?”  
_How could she think that?_  
“No, of course not. You’re… _This was coming out all wrong_ … “Forgive me” he said, trying to start over.  
“…I am no longer in any doubt as to how you regard me.”  
She was walking away. He felt desperate to make her understand.  
“Miss Heywood,” he closed the space between them and grabbed her arm.  
She spun around as if she had been shocked.  
“What is it that you want from me?” her voice and countenance full of passion and pain.  
_Everything. I want everything. I want you_. But his tongue was frozen. He wanted to say many things, that he couldn’t say any of them. Not here, at least, not like this. Her face was breaking his heart.  
She was telling him to leave her alone. He watched her flee the tents and the bystanders. Breathing hard, it was all he could do to not follow her. She was walking away with his heart.  
When she was out of sight, he turned around and saw Young Stringer staring at him. He sighed and looked around for an escape. Charlotte was right, the race was about to start. He went to find Tom and Arthur and they all headed down to the starting line. Down by the water, Charlotte was helping all the contestants getting set up. He kept looking her way, but she never met his eyes. He was so distracted, that he couldn’t focus on anything anyone was saying to him.  
\-------  
He almost startled after the race when he saw Eliza waiting for him. He had made his decision, but he still smiled warmly at her. He would always care deeply for her—but it was time to let her know, that whatever plans she had for the two of them, they would not be coming to pass.  
“I always hoped we’d stand beside each other again…fate is giving us a second chance,” she was saying as she grabbed his hand.  
“My heart is not free Eliza. You and I, we are the past. And moving in different directions. My future is here.”  
He could see the hurt in her eyes, but also the frustration at losing, at not getting what she wanted. The chase was a game she felt she was good at. Walking her back to town and getting her settled in the carriage back to London, he didn’t feel sad. He felt at peace. He knew he was doing what was necessary and was right. He had no regrets.  
“Goodbye, Eliza. I wish you all the very best.” She smiled wanly and slid back inside the carriage. He noted that she did not wish him the same. He took dinner at the hotel, everyone in happy spirits from the Regatta. With his heart burning, he had to find Charlotte.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a TV show; so there was need for a fire, an interruption of a proposal, and the most heartbreaking cliffhanger of all time.  
> I don't need that here, so of course, it's a happy ever after for Sidney and Charlotte. Enjoy.😊
> 
> And counting down the days for an official announcement for our season 2 of Sanditon. ❤

Charlotte was proud that she had stood her ground and answered Mrs. Campion’s rude comment. Eliza’s true nature was revealed. And who were these people around her who would laugh so openly at someone they didn’t even know? She knew he had meant it as a private joke between them, one that she would understand. But it got twisted, and now it felt like maybe a farmer’s daughter was all she would ever be to him.  
“Wait, wait, wait.”  
He was chasing after her. He did care at least, enough to apologize. When she asked him, “What am I to you?” she saw he was conflicted and speechless. She realized then, that although he was perhaps attracted to her, she could never be enough for him.  
She tried to put it all behind her and enjoy the race as best she could. She avoided Sidney’s eyes on her as she wished Mr. Stringer good luck. And she just ignored Mrs. Campion when she made a comment about Sidney never entering a race he didn’t intend to win. After the race, she was thankful for Lady Susan’s kind words about love not being lost. But inside, she felt lost and very tired.  
She sighed as she put away some supplies in Tom’s study. She was thankful for the success of the Regatta. She knew that Tom would be happy, and it boded well for the town. She just kept thinking about rowing with Sidney and the emotions it had stirred in her. Every time she thought about his touch: his outstretched hands, his hands over hers on the oars, his hand on her side she felt a low ache in her gut. He was fire and she felt scorched. For those few moments he had felt like he was hers, but now he was surely off to London with Eliza by his side.  
She looked at the model of Sanditon on the desk and felt overwhelming pangs of sadness. She gripped the edge of the desk and held back her tears, taking a deep breath trying to dispel her disappointment. So much for letting him go last night. How could he seek her out and row with her like that? Followed by chasing her out of the tent, and grabbing her arm with everyone watching. At least she had told him to just leave her alone. She had been pretty clear about that.  
She heard the door shut and she startled.  
Sidney appeared out the shadows! _What was he doing here?_  
“If you’re looking for your brother…  
“I’m not. As a matter of fact, I was looking for you.”  
Time stood still and she didn’t understand.  
“I thought you and Mrs. Campion would be heading back to London,” Charlotte asked.  
“She’s already left. I decided against joining her. On reflection, I realized—I would rather be here.”  
Charlotte could not breathe.  
“I…uh...I’m a great deal less than perfect; you’ve made me all too aware of that. But for whatever it’s worth, I believe I am my best self—my truest self, when I’m with you.”  
Charlotte felt herself sway.  
“That is all,” he said, giving a slight bow and turning to walk away.  
 _Wait, Wait, Wait_.  
She found her feet moving after him. She opened the door and saw he was getting ready to walk out the front door. He turned around when he heard her—paused, frozen. She walked up to him. She wanted to see his eyes. The foyer was dimly lit, but she could still see his face. He had a question in his eyes. She just stared at him. His expression changed to adoration and she felt he was caressing her face just by his gaze. She felt undone.  
“You are going to stay here—with me?”  
She had to hear it one more time.  
He smiled shyly.  
“Yes, I want to stay here…with you.”  
They were gazing at each other. He reached for her hands. They heard a door shut upstairs, and footsteps headed for the stairs. He pulled apart reluctantly.  
“I will see you in the morning?” he asked her hopefully.  
“Yes,” she said breathlessly.  
He bowed to her and slipped out the door. She just stood there stunned.  
“Charlotte, are you ok?” Tom asked.  
“Yes, I am, thank you.” She sailed past Tom and bounded up the stairs. She closed her door and fell into the chair. The room was spinning. She clutched her hands to her heart, barely containing the shock and joy that his words caused her. He was not with Eliza. He stayed here, because of her! Her heart might explode.  
\-----------  
The birds were singing and the anticipation of the day was thrilling. Charlotte awoke and took her usual walk on the beach on the way to Georgiana’s. Her mind was full of Sidney and she could not keep the smile off of her face. When she saw him across the street at Georgiana’s door, the private look he gave her made her weak in the knees. His words to her, she could still barely believe them. She went in to see Georgiana and couldn’t hide her affection for Sidney from her. She hated hearing negative words about him and she didn’t believe any of them.  
Back at the house, Sidney came to call and asked her for a walk. He was so charming; formal and nervous, it was melting her heart. When he leaned down to her and said her name, she thought she might just fall right off the cliff, into the sea. He was so close; they were breathing the same air. His lips were so tantalizing close and then his mouth was on hers. She couldn’t feel her legs. His kiss captured her completely, until she felt she’d be overcome. He tasted of madeira and of the sea, of salt and of spice. This was Sidney! She felt his reluctance to pull away, and she wanted him back. She reached up and kissed him again, her arms going around his shoulders and their kiss deepening. He eventually broke away breathless and gazed at her with amazement and desire. She knew he restrained himself for her sake, and she loved him for it.  
\---------  
She floated on a cloud all day, waiting for the next moment to see him, to be alone with him, to dance with him. To hear what he might say. She thought she’d burst with anticipation. They kept gazing at each other from across the ballroom. She loved him deeply, she knew it must be obvious to anyone looking at her. She finally found him waiting for her on the balcony. He reached for her hands and pulled her quickly to him.  
“At last, I thought I’d never get you alone…” He was so charming as he apologized for their last conversation on the balcony.  
“I hope that I am a different man now,” Sidney said hopefully.  
“No, you’re the same man, but much improved,” she said with teasing in her eyes.  
“If I have changed at all, it’s in no small part down to you. I have not wanted to put myself in anyone’s power before. I’ve never wanted to care for anyone else but myself.”  
His hands were gripping hers so tightly, as if he never wanted to let her go. Her heart was pounding in expectation.  
“Miss Heywood…Charlotte…” he said her name so lovingly, she melted at the sound of it coming from his lips again. “I want to care for you, love you, treasure you.” He pulled her hands towards his chest. “Marry me, be my wife. Will you walk through life beside me? Would you do me this honor?”  
She could barely contain herself and felt happy tears in the corner of her eyes and noticed them in his.  
“Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!”  
He pulled her toward him and covered her mouth with his, both lost in the moment and the hope of the future. Pulling away, they were breathless, and beaming with joy.

Post Script:  
 _A few weeks later-on Honeymoon_

They fell apart on the bed—fulfilled, breathing hard, the sheets tangled.  
She giggled a little.  
“What?” he asked.  
“I was remembering how nervous you were when you came to ask me for a walk. I thought I had never seen anything so adorable. Asking me about my family, and talking about the weather.”  
Charlotte propped up her head in her hand, and leaned over Sidney, tracing a pattern on his chest.  
Sidney laughed, his deep baritone echoing inside her soul. He interlaced his hands behind his head. “I _was_ so nervous. You were so pretty. And also, in my defense, I didn’t really know what you were thinking. After my declaration, what if you didn’t want me?”  
“I wanted you alright. If you hadn’t kissed me on that cliff, I thought I should die right there.”  
He smiled at her.  
“When did you know?” she asked him.  
“When did I know what? That I wanted to marry you and give you babies?”  
“Yes, that,” she smiled.  
“I kept fighting it, my reaction to you, but when you wouldn’t talk to me at the pineapple luncheon and turned to talk to Crowe. This little feeling I got…”  
She ran her hand over his bicep and down his side.  
“And you, Mrs. Parker?” he said seductively.  
She laughed, “I knew from the moment your carriage came into view on the cliff.”  
He smiled at her and reached out to push her hair behind her ear. “I love you, Charlotte Parker.”  
She stretched herself over the length of his body and kissed the skin under his ear, moving down to his collar bone.  
“I love you too, Sidney,” she whispered in his ear. “And you are not leaving this bed today.”  
He kissed her with a low groan and rolled her over, “No, I most certainly am not.”

_~And they lived happily ever after~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * the madeira idea came from a post on twitter asking what would Sidney taste like?
> 
> Thank you all for the nice comments so far! Love this fandom ❤


End file.
